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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2006|01:54 pm]
[Current Location |Hell]
[mood |angryangry]
[music |Crush My Battle Oponent's Balls - Dethklok]

So....after having chest pains for over a week, I decided to get over my fears and ventue to the York Lanes Health Center...and had them tell me exactly what I already know. I hurt.

they says its Acid Reflux Disease and put me on pills. An hours worth of waiting for a 5 minute diagnosis...so he MUST be right...He just asked where it hurt, found out im stressed and shit, and diagnosed me. I beleive theres more to it than that, but I suppose thats why im not a doctor

but in short, I now have to change my way of life. No more smoking, drinking, staying up late, and I have to reduce stress. I might as well have asked him to kill me right then and there, cause now, without my vices, no one is safe from my psychosis. Take away the two main things that level me out, and you send me right back to.....those times Id rather forget......

so now, I'm dealing with the fact I have to chaneg the way ive been living for the past 5 years, or suffer more and more pain...and let me tell you, the pain never looked more appealing
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Nemesis Devina [Sep. 8th, 2006|11:03 pm]
[mood |coldcold]
[music |Mother North - Satryicon]

I sit high atop a mound of hundreds of bodies strewn about around the perimiter, with my pile reaching heights of 9 stories. It is from this vantage point I watch the dark ridden sky light up with the beckoning call of the damned. The eternal jaggedness of electricty. The deafening clap of a thunderous roar. And as I watch this calamity unfold, I realized that I have finally returned. Returned to this desolate nature; this barren mind; this which I call home. With the darkness once again lit for a brief moment of infitiy, I see my own face staring complacantly back. A tortured smile that has seen endless months of hell, and that which cannot be shaken by any means. It has taken its toll, and only now, freed from that particlar hell, can I recount the utter pain and misery Ive dealt with. I close my eyes but the horrors only become more vivid, come out from thier hiding from behind this dream I live. I know I will never forget hat I learned, and how this knowledge will be the damning end of me. It is inevitable, for my kind have passed centuries with this knowledge. We walk this earth alone in search of salvation; forever alone. In turn, I embraced this fate, I beckoned it to ruin me, to fill my mind with hatred and disgust; for myself and all that I see.

As quickly as these nightmares came, they dissapear in my realization of my current situation. I have escaped hell and clammered my way to the surface, only to see my former world had changed. The nomads tale repeating itself year after year. Sooner or later I must chose a destiny. Return to hell, overcome the demons and forge a new path, or abandom my throne atop this pile of bodies and take what should rightfully be mine. This is what I must ponder now. I must forget the hell and focus on the purgatory I see before me. My only chance to banish the demons once and for all, to rid my mind of thier pestilant existance and move on. The demons have held me back for years, fueling my rage and psychosis, who without I would not be me; They are as intrinsic as my hatred for them. My creator, my curse. To free myself would be to erase those brief moments of sublime happines I vaguly remember, but to return to them only forces me to reteat further inside myself and close off from this dream. My eternal dilemma....

I am tortured. I need a cure. I need the sweet releasing esence of the damned. The one variable remaining constant.
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...i give up.... [Jun. 27th, 2006|07:37 pm]
[Current Location |living room - windswhore]
[music |Slayer - Cult]

When one tries to make an effort to cut back on their.....'herbal' intake.....it becomes absolutely impossible when you realize how many times its mentioned on tv a day

seriously, I just flipped chanels. within half an hour there were 3 sitcom references and 2 news reports.....

I give up, honestly...
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Random drunkeness [May. 26th, 2006|09:44 pm]
[mood |hungover]
[music |Celestial Furnace - Disarmonia Mundi]

Well....first time drinking in downtown windswhore...fun...I think...im not sure I remember that much.....wet to this place called THE CHUBBY PICKLE......$6 pitchers....need I say more? Yes.....$3 Chubbies, which is this enourmous mug of beer, like easily over hal a pitcher.....3 of those and a pitcher to myself......and then we got kicked out for being too drunk. Which was fun in itself, cause the music thee sucked anyways. So we did what any true Canadian would do when they are forcibly ejected from a drinking establishment......wander down the street and into the next open bar, who also had rediculously cheap pitchers...after one more pitcher there, we were sufficiently drunk, and the last thing I fully rmember was leaving the bar..after that its all in fragments.....TRYING to bike home, getting stopped by the cops who laughed at how insanely trashed I was, and helped me fix my bike chain. The tying to unlok the garage and back door for about ten minutes, failing each time to hit the lock. Today I hurt everywhee...every inch of my body is in pain, and I once again state how I'm qutting drinking.

Yes...there is my story..next week. I will tell you the story of how I dispise paragraphing long stories
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THE END IS NEAR [Apr. 25th, 2006|07:34 pm]
[mood |weired out]
[music |Serpants Coil - Cryptopsy]

The Universe has finally finished expanding and is now contracting inwards to our certain demise

my proof? I have 5006 songs on my iTunes playlist.....and it randomly played At Dawn They Sleep by Salyer off thier Decades of Aggression live album.....now.....out of 5005 other songs to play....guess what song it plays next? The Answer: AT DAWN THEY SLEEP of the Hell Awaits album (the recording version) Wat are the odds? coincidence - i dont think so....thats just too fuckin creepy
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End of the Year Jam [Apr. 24th, 2006|04:02 pm]
[Current Location |Hell]
[mood |soresore]
[music |Pinbal Map - In Flames]

well I guess the "not-drinking-as-much-everythim-I-get-smashed" deal I made myself went right out the winow. I have no self control, and now an empty 26er of Screech Rum. Now, I know I dranka quarter of it yesturday, and I guareee some people snuck shots when I wasnt looking, but sill, judging that I blacked out and wound up back here (AFTER a walk back from Jamie's place, in the heart o Jane and Finch territory) - i had way to much to drink...and honestly


I'm going to keep drinking that way from now on. Theres no way I can change that, as son as it hits my lips I tru into this ragig angry alcoholic...thats what I gotta work on. Wat happened to the days wen was a friendly drunk, now....arg, its te Irish in me..or is it the french being that typical asshole?

meh...overall good time, especially the jam for an hour while I was playi drums/bongos. Sure, didnt feel it then, but I wake up today (still fully clothed, sweater and all, passed on on my bed) and my hands hurt like a bitc. They're all swolen up too. - my fingers look like soething from a cartoon. Need ice
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Reade-uce, Reuse, Repsycho [Apr. 19th, 2006|12:44 am]
[Current Location |the borders of sanity]
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |At The Ends of The Earth - Nightrage]

I love all nighters. The longer I stay up, the more the borders of reality come crashing down. Sure I'm only at 31 hours right now, but I'm just waiting in anticipation for the w36 hour mark when the delusions start kicking in. Maybe I can make it 48 hours, havent done that in months. I shudder to tink that I'm losing my touch with all nighters. There used to be a time where I'd be on normal sleep patterns for a day or so, then awake-binge for 48 hours or so, then sleep ike a mortal again, then back to the awakedness....but alas, I guess age is catching up with me and I no longer have the ambition to do so *sigh* I ope this isnt a sign tat I'm becoming mortal again...cause that ould suck
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David Blaine - biggest douche in the universe [Apr. 15th, 2006|12:52 am]
[mood |angryangry]
[music |Agony of Fallen Grace - Old Man's Child]

I fucking hate that piece of shit David Blaine. He is the epitome of the 20th century man, and hes getting fame and fortune for it. By this I mean he sits there and does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and calls it magic. Be it standing on a small platform fora day, being encased in ice, fasting in a box, or his latest mockery, living under water, all he does is sit there, smile for the camera, and make millions for it. Meanwhile, I sit here, and actualy PERFORM magic ( I swear that knife I threw last month has disappeared), and fall deeper into debt.

Lets list of his assinine tricks one by one

Standing on a platform for 35 hours - wow....you can stand still. Granted, 35 hours is a long ass time to stand on a small platform, but then again, just what is he doing? STANDING THERE! and we put this on television?

Encased in ice for 61 hours - now tis required much suspeded disbelif, as he is not actually encased in Ice, it is more a less an ice fortress where he has little room to move. He is being fed food and oxygen intra-venously, and just has to endure the cold. But then again, what about ppl who are FORCED into these situations be it a plane crash or somethin (Since Ive recently seen ALIVE, its fresh in my mind), where these people are FORCED into situations and DONT get the same luxaries as food that Blaine recieves. And yet, Blaine's 'trick' was aired durig prime time, and he made an assload of money off of it

Fasting for 44 days in a box situated above the Thames river - I find this hard to believe. I mean, c'mon, 44 days? for a man of Blaine's situation (read filty rich and a product of western society), he wouldnt last 30 days. So he was obviously cheating on this one. Plus, as with my other poaint with the Ice Castle trick, ppl are FORCED to do this on a daily basis, People ae starving all over the world, without 'being paid or showing off' and yet Blaine makes a bg deal that he's doing this. What a fucking pompous asshole. This trick also proved there is no god....cause if there were, he would have sunk that box during the middle of the night and prevented any rescue

and now, his latest mockery of man kind -

Living under water for 7 days - This is once again, asinine. He's being fed oxygen and food intrvenously, and its in heated water, so all he does is, and I quote, sit there, so "Passers by will be able to touch the aquarium, take pictures with Blaine and communicate with him" (ABC News story). So wheres the magic?I dont know much about magic (yet), but I did take Grade 11 Biology, and learned a little bt about OZZMOSIS and DIFFUSION.....you know..why your fingers get wrinkly after being in the pool for so long, or why corpses bloat after being in the water for a short period of time? Well, I can se this happen to him, or rather not, since this will be on during prime time again, and if Survivor wont show someone dying, neither will this

So in conclusion, the magic David Blaine uses is siply the stupidity of everyone who believes that shit. He does absolutely nothing, and gets fame and fortune for it, esecially for the tasks that otheres endure on a regular basis

Fuck you Blaine, you stupid cunt!
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biggest decision of my life [Mar. 18th, 2006|09:56 pm]
[mood |sicksick]

I am officially quitting drinking now....

...for those wondering why, I drank myself into the WORST HANGOVER of all time +i blacked out...again...and the last thing i remmber is sting in Vanier rez.....somewhere....then it ll goes black, and i wake up sick as hell

No longer will I waste days being hungover. A much as love the drunken feeling, I realize I have no control, and constantly drink myself into submission.I can't keep doing this to myself, so I'm done

....that makes 2 out of 3 vices I have quit this year..the only downside is, that last one (which got me kicked out of Dark Tranquillity) will be pushed up to a high amount to compensate for a while
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Am I dreaming or is this reality? [Feb. 25th, 2006|05:17 pm]
[mood |crazycrazy]
[music |Devoured by NaglFar - NaglFar]

...man......I need cash........and now....I have 30 bucks left to my name, and thats getting me to see dark tranquillity......how will I buy new comics? Marvel Zombies 4 comes out wednesday
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